We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
