I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize