Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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