I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
