While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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