If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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