Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
