..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize