I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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