This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
