He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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