Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
