I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
