Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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