3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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