Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
