he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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