I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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