if i can run in heels then i can drive
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
