I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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