Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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