bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
