New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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