i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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