Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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