the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
