only if we run a train.
done.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
