I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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