some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
