i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
