What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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