Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
