Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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