He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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