I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
