he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
