Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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