If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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