Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
