If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
