I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
