'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
