hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
