so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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