my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
