i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
MIDGETS
????
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize