I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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