My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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