dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
