ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
