last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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