no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
