So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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