You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
