DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
