The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wish there were birth control emojis
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
