what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize