he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
