mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
