I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
