Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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