how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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