no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
