What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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