I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize