my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
