i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
