She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
