hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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