i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
