hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize